After Death List
What information will I need after the death of my loved one? Here is a comprehensive list that will help you. It’s best to have this information before death.
Post Death Information 2023
(Librarian Lynne’s Ledger)
Who to notify:
1) Company Benefits (co., name, who, what) (year retired)
2) Social Security Admins.
3) Financial matters (contact)
4) Life Insurance (name and what)
5) Car & Homeowner’s Ins. Co.
6) Personal Contacts
7) Attorney
Where located:
1) Social Security cards and passport
2) Vehicle registration
3) Vehicle title
4) Deed to house
5) Passwords for internet access
6) Wills and/or Trusts
Health Information
1) DPOAHC (Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care)
2) Health Insurance card
3) Prescription coverage
4) Pharmacy: local for meds needed quickly
5) Covid 19 vaccines
6) Names of doctors and specialty
7) Medications (name/dosage/prescribing MD)
8) Preferred hospital
Home issues:
1) Gas bill
2) Electric bill
3) Water bill
4) Home alarm system
5) Cleaning service
6) Lawn care
Funeral Home provides death certificates.
1) How many needed; obtain from Funeral Home
2) Cremation/burial, if ashes spread/bury, wake? Funeral? Readings? Songs?
3) Obituary information such as high school attended/year, college year graduated, worked where/when, married when, where met, favorite vacations, kids’ names/spouse, hobbies, pets
Thanks to Lynne Fugate who shared her Excel Spreadsheet with me for all this information.
Welcome to the Conversation
No one really knows what a chaplain does. Most think we are very “churchy,” but we are not.
Let’s talk about death. Who wants to do that? Nobody. This taboo subject though, is one we all have to face at some point in our lives. So I’m glad you’re here. Talking about death is something I have been doing for more than 30 years. As a young chaplain, I was inspired to help others after facing the tragedy of my brother’s death, That experience shattered my world. Over the following two years, I totally rebuilt my beliefs.
What I discovered was that I had to be completely honest about my emotions. With the support of a psychologist and a spiritual director, I learned about rage and making meaning. Only by naming my experience and wrestling with the tragedy was I able to return to work and begin helping others during their crises.
So, let’s talk about it. I’d be happy to meet with you one-on-one or you can feel free to join a group of us during a Death Cafe (first Wednesday of every month at 7:00pm CST). However you begin, I hope you’ll find that, once you start talking about death, you become more intentional about living. That’s the secret for those of us who are familiar with death and dying. I invite you to discover this secret for yourself. Let me know how I can help.
What’s a Chaplain?
No one really knows what a chaplain does. Most think we are very “churchy,” but we are not.
Some of you may be wondering about my being a chaplain. A board-certified chaplain is trained to be interfaith and respectful of those with no faith. Our job is not to preach, advise or coerce. Rather, we’ve learned how to walk with others in the journey of life. No judgement. No pre-conceived notions about what that might mean for anyone. Being a chaplain requires me to be curious about who you are and where you’ve been. I want to know if your current beliefs are working for you. What do you question? What do you fear? By talking about these things, they become more manageable, even if we never get to full, complete answers. Life is not black and white. Mostly, we live in the gray—in the why and how of it all.
I remember when my view of life and my faith were shattered. I had to rebuild everything I thought I knew about life and our purpose here. I’m still on that journey. It’s not easy to live into mystery. Some people like to follow rigid ideas about life. That works for them. But not always. Life can get messy and unfair. We should be willing to question everything, all the time.
A chaplain will listen to you rage and wonder and doubt. S/he will join with you in that search for meaning. The hope is that, together, we can find a way through. No pat answers. No simple solutions. But a shared frustration and hope for something more. That’s what a chaplain does. Period.
Intrigued by Death
I’m a woman priest, but not the traditional type.
My three sons are now grown and out of the house. They’ve become good citizens, although my oldest lives in Scotland. Sigh. That’s way too far for me. But that’s his (and his wife’s) decision. It’s their life. As a mom, I’ve learned to allow for differences; to not get in the way too much. Still, I want them to talk to me about their hopes and dreams.
Often, my three sons have teased me about my interest in all things related to death/dying. They’ve gotten used to me telling them about the latest book I’m reading or Netflix series. (Have you seen, Surviving Death? The first episode is riveting.)
I’ve done my Advanced Directives and keep gently nudging my husband to do his. Last year, I bought a burial plot; a space big enough for three biodegradable urns (me, Anna-our daughter, and Dave). It’s near Hickory Hill Park, a lovely, wooded area where we used to take walks as a family.
Now that I’m retired, I’m aware that my death is closer. I’ve never feared dying because I’ve seen it done well and because I believe there is something next; “another dimension” as one 4-year-old patient once told me. I’ve heard from those who were dying that they’d seen a loved one who was on the other side and that they felt so loved.
I do wonder how it will happen. My biggest hope is that my spouse, boys, and Anna will be with me. My husband thinks he’s going first but you never know. When it’s my time, I hope that I’m proud of the life I’ve lived and that I go with dignity. That would be enough for me.
Ordained Women Priest
I’m a woman priest, but not the traditional type.
I am an ordained woman priest. Many are surprised by that. Just this past weekend, I did a funeral and I wore a collar with a white shirt. It felt weird but I thought this group needed me to be a bit more “official.” Typically, I never wear a collar. It’s too reminiscent of those male priests who sometimes love feeling better than us. And, with all the pedophile cases, people should be wary. I prefer that people call me Mary Kay. The “Rev.” is just not me.
I became ordained in order to change the system, not to perpetuate it. I get frustrated that the Roman Catholic Church is so stuck and non-Christian. I believe in inclusion for everyone, thanks to my daughter, Anna, who has special needs. She’s taught me all about diversity and prejudice. Because of Anna, I want everyone to feel welcomed, all the time. So, I’ve officiated at the weddings of same sex couples and given communion to anyone who comes to the table at liturgy. I’m not asking them if they believe in the “true” presence of Christ. Jesus was not concerned about the proving or worthiness of being loved. Jesus loved all people. He even allowed himself to be taught by women. Imagine that.
So, yes, I’m a woman priest but not the traditional type. I’m here to offer a helping hand to those in need and to receive what others wish to offer. It’s a two-way street. And I feel humbly grateful to be of support to anyone who’s open to that. (www.fullcircleic.com)